Los Angeles, CA- At this hour, CNN is confirming reports that comedian, Amy Schumer was found deceased this morning at her Hollywood Hills apartment. Although the coroner’s office has not yet had time to release any reports, witnesses told CNN that it looked very much like a heroine overdose.
“She was all blue and purple all over with, like foamy stuff coming out of her mouth,” cried friend and housekeeper, Raven Ambrosia.
Schumer, best known for her observational and insult humor, as well as her feud with President Trump and being the daughter of Senator Chuck Schumer’s 2nd cousin, was often described as the female version of Chris Farley. The comparisons to Farley run deep. Both comedians had huge struggles with obesity, drug and alcohol abuse, and the need for their father’s approval.
“She had been out of control ever since the release of the movie, ‘Wonder Woman’,” said publicist, Sharyn Poon. “She had bootlegged the movie at a premier and was watching it incessantly. She had a golden rope that she had been using as a belt for the tents she wears and was sporting these really funky bracelets and cowboy boots that resembled the Mexican flag. We thought it was just a bit she was working on.”
LAPD officials were clear to point a finger in saying that this vile epidemic of death and destruction that is sweeping the country, namely heroine abuse by Hollywood film types, is a product of the election of Donald Trump as president. “These sort of things never happened before Trump was elected president,” stated LAPD Lieutenant, Manny Chuco. “There is not a single reported case of Wonder Woman overdose in the United States until 2017. Something has to be done”