Cromwell, CT- In a sad turn of events, CBS golf announcer, Gary McCord passed away in the 16th hole announcer’s tower during the Traveler’s Championship on Saturday afternoon.
“It was very sad,” said fellow CBS golf announcer, Ian Baker-Finch. “Sad because none of us were there with him when he died. It breaks my heart to know that there was no one there to tell him what an obnoxious asshole he was before he died.”
“McCord was a hack and a piece of crap,” said World #1, Dustin Johnson. “This guy never won a single tournament and he had the nerve to talk crap about guys like me who are the best in the world. I mean, as far as crap talking announcers go, even that muppet looking hack, Johnny Miller won a tournament. He [McCord] was banned from announcing at the Master’s in ’94 because he’s such an asshole.”
“PGA golf and CBS sports will be far better off following the death of McCord,” snorted fellow announcer, Frank Nobilo. “We were so tired of carrying his fat lazy ass. And what was the deal with that ridiculous mustache? I think he said it was called a Leprechaun sack tickler?”
Diane McCord, the wife of the deceased was rushed to the scene by police. “I was hoping to get a couple of good kicks in before that fat bastard got cold,” laughed his wife. “Can you imagine putting up with that asshole on a daily basis? It was pure hell.”
David Feherty quipped, “Who the fuck is Gary McCord? A drunken Scot I’d wager.”
McCord will be laid to rest in a compost-dung heap in San Bernardino, California on Tuesday.