Los Angeles, CA- Paramount Pictures execs announced today that they have approved a deal for a Maxine Waters biography movie.
“We have been working on this deal for several years,” said Marc Evans, Paramount president. “It was a real brain scratcher. The story didn’t test well. I mean, who wants to spend 2 hours and $12 to watch a story about a crackhead hood-rat that is a congressional representative and bigoted racist from the southern California ghetto? People just don’t want to see that.”
Mr. Evans was asked what caused the Paramount execs to change their mind.
“We are being pushed to make movies that have large roles for black actors. We looked at every angle to try to bring this project to fruition. Then, about a month ago, we began negotiations with the internationally acclaimed actress, Fright Wig on a Stick. We didn’t think she would be even remotely interested in taking on such a ridiculous, and possibly career ending role.”
When asked how they incentivized the role to bring Dame Fright Wig on a Stick on board, Mr. Evans chuckled, “As it turns out, Ms. on a Stick is quite a crackhead and bigot herself. The terms to play the lead ended up at $1 million, several lines in the movie that are derogatory and denigrating towards mops, and 50 ounces of top of the line crack cocaine. Needless to say, we were thrilled with the deal. The only other caveat to the deal was that Ms. Waters not be allowed on set. Dame on a Stick told us, “That dirty skank will smoke up all my dope and get stupid. People like that make me sick!”