Washington, DC- Reuters news agency Deparment of Justice reporter, Julia Harte, has just released a bombshell report about an internal plot to assassinate President Trump.
“I have just been informed by my official Justice Department sources that the FBI is actively searching for Mr. Steve Bannon and Mr. Reince Priebus, both high ranking Trump administration members,” began Ms. Harte. “There have been rumors that the Trump administration has been mired in a great deal of acrimony of late. Official sources at the DOJ have confirmed these rumors to be accurate.”
“After an April 6th verbal and physical altercation between Trump and his two executives that took place in the west wing of the Whitehouse, Bannon and Priebus were exiled from the meeting by the President’s son in law, Jared Kushner,” continued Harte. “Things were said, threats were made. Mr. Kushner made a call on Sunday to the DOJ to report the threats, but prefaced that they were likey ’empty threats’.”
Ms. Harte went on to say that several FBI special agents were tasked with the investigation as to why these petulant children find it impossible to get along and govern. In the course of the investigation, secret meetings of high ranking politicians of both parties were uncovered.
“Republicans Ryan and Paul, along with Democrats Pelosi and Schumer, were found to have been meeting with Bannon and Priebus in an overtly clandestine manner,” Harte quoted her sources. “There were initial signs that it was just another one of Pelosi’s ‘gangbanging the brass’ sessions. While evidence of sexual debauchery was uncovered, there was also a very sinister undertone to the meetings.”
Ms. Harte went on to say that her sources were very clear that the neck’s of Bannon and Priebus were on the President’s chopping block. In an effort to avoid embarrassment, and maintain some semblance of power in Washington, Bannon and Priebus hatched a plan that would take Trump out of the mix and put Speaker Ryan into the VP slot at worst.
Vice President Pence appears to have been caught completely unaware of the plot stating, “I don’t attend Washington sex parties. The Lord and my wife wouldn’t take that very well.”
The FBI has asked that anyone seeing the two little weasels, Bannon and Priebus, please call your local FBI office.