Los Angeles, Ca.- There was a shocking revelation coming from the Redondo Beach Unified School District today. School superintendent, James Whitemore, as well as Redondo Beach police chief, Ron McNulty spoke to a crowd of concerned parents and reporters at a press conference this morning in regards to a fast growing health concern that has hit the South Bay hard.
“It’s been a long forty eight hours,” stated chief McNulty. “The Redondo Beach police detectives have been working tirelessly, investigating the cycle of events that lead to the deaths of three local teens, top students in their class, shot to death by a local liquor store clerk in fear for his life. The police department, in conjunction with the California State Police and various state school districts, has uncovered a clandestine drug operation that spans the entire state.”
“There have been over one hundred arrests and five hundred youths questioned in this matter, spanning a distance from San Francisco to Los Angeles,” the chief continued. “This is just the tip of the iceberg. We are facing an epidemic like none we have seen before. This epidemic is called, Mavi,”
The crowd murmured confusedly, having no idea what Mavi is.
“Mavi, the Swahili word for feces, is a mixture of human feces and bleach, first discovered to create extreme intoxication by local indigenous peoples of Kenya in 2002. This drug is as addictive as cocaine, causes hallucinations more powerful than LSD, and is easier to obtain than peanut butter,” stammered McNulty. “You can see the problem we are facing.”
“The origin of the drug here in California appears to be an immigrant student from Kenya. This particular student at Yuba River Charter School in Nevada City, California, introduced the mixture to fellow students last September. There has been a rash of unexplainable behavior and crime from the local northern California youth ever since. This current trend has since spread from the Oakland area, to as far south as San Diego, and as far north as Spokane, Washington,” related McNulty.
“Mavi is produced by placing fresh human feces in a pint jar, adding a cup of liquid bleach, and then stretching a balloon over the top of the jar. The resulting gas, created by mixing the feces and bleach, becomes trapped inside the balloon. The kids remove the balloon and breathe the contents deeply through a hanky, holding it in their lungs for as long as possible,” declared the chief with a sour look on his face. ”The consequences are extremely erratic and dangerous behavior, brought on by the vivid hallucinations.”
“The kids are mixing and ingesting this poison right in the school lavatories. We believe, at this point in the investigation, there are at least 40 deaths attributable to Mavi statewide in just the past six months. We are urging all teachers and parents to be vigilant as they look for the signs of Mavi use in children,” McNulty emphasized. “Be on the lookout for kids that have an odor of bleach, unusual or spacey behavior, missing pint jars or bottles, large reductions in toilet paper use, and kids with brown rings on their nostrils.”
Funeral services for the three Redondo teens will be held on Sunday at Our Lady of the Assumption on Hermosa Boulevard.