Chicago, IL- In a recently completed study, the American Dental Association has concluded that people who identify as Democrats STINK!
“We have just concluded a nationwide study in which we were interested to see if there was any correlation between dental health issues and political affiliation,” began Dr. Jefrey Cole, president of the American Dental Association (ADA). “The results are very enlightening.”
TheNetSpies obtained a copy of the report last week and were able to visit with Dr. Cole via Skype yesterday. We asked Dr. Cole to give us some insight into the findings of the study.
“Initially, we were most interested to find a correlation between political leanings and dental insurance coverage,” Dr. Cole stated. “We found so much more than just that. We found that more right leaning (conservative) patients had jobs and employer funded insurance, 4 to 1 over their liberal counterparts. We also found that, on average, the majority of left leaning (liberal) patients who had dental insurance were on Medicaid. We also found that liberal patients were 15 times more likely to fail (not show up) their dental appointments than their conservative counterparts. Even more astounding than that, we found that the liberal patients, even those on Medicaid, who had zero out of pocket cost for treatment, were 40 times less likely to complete their dental treatment plans than their conservative counterparts. It’s literally like pulling teeth to get them to show up!”
When we asked Dr. Cole for his interpretation of the data, he told us, “Honestly, we’re still trying to wrap our heads around it (the data). It’s not a socio-economic or educational disparity, because we found an equal amount of educated, upper middle class, liberal patients who were in dire dental straits, comparatively, to the uneducated, lower class liberal types. We also found that the overall general hygiene of all liberal patients was severely lacking. BO wasn’t just their favorite president, it’s also their favorite cologne. The liberal patients had an incidence of periodontal (gum) disease 37 times higher than their conservative counterparts, and were 175 times more likely to have a tooth pulled rather than try to save it.”
We asked Dr. Cole what the American public can learn from this study. Dr. Cole replied, “Liberals STINK! If you are out on the town, at work or anywhere in public and you get a sniff of an offensive and malodorous scent, you’re probably in the vicinity of a liberal. Ass breath, created by a periodontal infection, created by a severe lack of oral hygiene, seems to be the calling card of the American liberal. Please, do everyone a favor and hold your nose, present them the business card of your favorite dentist and ask them to please seek professional help. We call it, playing the guilt card.”