Southampton, NY- If you thought the Phil Mickelson incident would be the biggest story coming out of Saturday at the US Open at Shinnecock, you would be wildly mistaken.
Fox Sports, known for their football and baseball broadcasting, were thrown for a loop when pictures surfaced Saturday evening of their lead announcer, Joe Buck, receiving oral sex in a hotel stairway from Limey golf writer, John Hopkins.
“We, here at Fox Sports, are deeply concerned, saddened and embarrassed by the public performance of gay sex displayed by our employees, Joe Buck and John Hopkins,” started Fox Sports CEO, Eric Shanks. “We have known for decades of the filthy proclivities of these two latent homosexuals, but we feared a backlash from the LBGTQXYZ community if we were to terminate their employment. We have received tens of thousands of complaints from fans in regard to the broadcasting performance of Buck and Hopkins, but this “on camera” performance is the last straw (incidentally, the same word used to describe Buck’s thingie).”
“We are sending Hopkins back across the pond, where he can lick his wounds, along with the schlongs of his bassakward, Limey counterparts,” continued Shanks. “At the conclusion of the US Open, we will be sending Buck to Gay Conversion Therapy at the LDS (Mormon) Missionary Homosexual Conversion Therapy Center in Provo, Utah. If Mr. Buck is not able to make the necessary changes, he will be demoted to announcing ice dancing competitions.”