San Francisco, CA- According to a 2018 study from the Sturgis-Fellowes Institute, liberals, fearing an onrushing US civil war, are purchasing firearms at an extremely accelerated pace.
“Our study of national firearm purchases, juxtaposed with national voter registration rolls, tells us that there has been 3,000% increase in firearm purchases by registered Democrats,” stated Archer Sturgis, executive director of the Sturgis-Fellowes Institute. “We were quite shocked, as you might imagine.”
“While many various types of firearms were purchased, it seems the Colt 1912 has been the weapon of choice for the liberal gun owner,” cited Justin Simpson, SFI historian. “We believe the liberals are preparing for an onrushing US civil war at the urging of OFA and Barack Obama.”
“While having firearms in the hands of untrained, rabid sycophants is a frightening proposition, it is highly likely that untrained shooters can, and will, shoot themselves and each other,” continued Sturgis. “That is just something we will have to learn to live with.”