Washington, DC- According to CNN’s chief political reporter, Dana Bash, DNC chairman, Thomas Perez has put out an ultimatum to the Democratic party in a speech he gave today while on tour with Bernie Sanders.
“Our party has lost it’s way,” sounded Perez. “Our party leaders don’t stand for anything. All we have been saying to voters is, WE HATE TRUMP! This is not a message. Senator Sanders and I have decided that this party must change. We must move to the far left and bring a message home to our constituents.”
Bash went on to say that there seems to be a huge change in The Piranha, as Perez is known on the hill, since he has been in such close proximity with Senator Sanders these past weeks. Then Bash quoted Perez as saying, “We must make big and bold changes. Senator Sanders and I have called for a vote to change the name of the Democratic Party to The American Society of Socialist Heathens Against Tyranny and Subversion! This will be a bright beginning to a glorious future of the party.”
It seems that no one was hip to the fact that the acronym for the new party would be ASSHATS. I guess it wouldn’t be the first time the Democrats didn’t do their homework. All hail the ASSHATS.