Washington, DC- In a press release today, the Trump Administration is urging all seniors to gear up and take full advantage of the Democrat’s free college tuition plan, should the Socialists ever regain power.
While that might be music to the ears of high school seniors around the nation, those are not the seniors the Trump Administration is speaking to.
“Millions of senior citizens around our great country, who were working hard to forge this great nation, didn’t have the opportunity to attend a college or university,” opined Bill Shine, Whitehouse communications director. “President Trump thought that it would be a great idea for all of the senior citizens to, in the event that the latest socialist uprising fad were to ever get a grip on America, gear up to apply to colleges and universities around the country.”
AP reporter, Julie Pace, asked, “Wouldn’t senior citizens take up a lot of space at universities that should be reserved for young people?”
“Well, of course they would,” answered Shine with a grin. “That’s the genius of the plan. I mean, what are you going to do, discriminate against the elderly? Would you tell a senior citizen, who has paid taxes for 50 plus years, that they can’t go to college because they are too old and college is only for the young? Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe we have laws concerning that sort of thing. Not to mention the fact that sending seniors to college will be a fantastic tool in changing the socialist culture of our colleges and universities. All of the reconstructionist history being taught will be out the window when it is slapped down by people who actually lived that history.”
“The President doesn’t sound very confident in his chances of being re-elected with statements like this,” shouted CNN’s, Kate Bennett.
“To the contrary,” quipped Shine, “President Trump is very confident that he will be elected again in 2020, he’s just not as confident there will be someone strong enough to fight off the socialist swamp monsters in 2024.”