Grass Valley CA Named 1st Official Cannabis Sanctuary City

MAYOR LEVINE PROUDLY TOUTS HIS CITY HALL BREAKROOM STASH.

Grass Valley, CA- Today marks the beginning of what is expected to be a huge nationwide trend. With the huge trend to legalize cannabis around the nation, and the major authoritarian pushback against legalization, one California city has decided to strike out and take a stand.

“We are a cannabis rich city,” stated Grass Valley mayor, Howard Levine at a morning press briefing. “Our economy depends on cannabis dollars. Our residents depend on cannabis for their health, sanity and well being. Our residents and local business also rely on the job creation of cannabis farms and cannabis sales.”

“There is no way we can afford to lose the cannabis industry here in our city,” cried city councilwoman, Jan “Fatty” Arbuckle. “After working as a deputy sheriff for 20 years I can tell you that cannabis is not a dangerous drug. It is a game changer. It will be the cash crop of the 21st century. We are so happy to announce that we will give cannabis sanctuary from the over reaching arms of the federal and state governments. We will also be giving sanctuary to the illegals who schlepp on our cannabis farms.”

When asked what giving sanctuary means, Mayor Levine replied, “Grass Valley will have a 100% tolerance law in regards to cannabis. You will be able to smoke it anywhere you like, grow it anywhere you like, sell it anywhere you like, to whomever you like. We also will refuse to cooperate with, and even block, any federal law enforcement agency that attempts to enforce federal law in our jurisdiction.”

When asked about the possibility of the loss of federal funding for the area because of the city’s sanctuary status, councilwoman Arbuckle cackled, “Federal funding? We don’t need no stinkin’ federal funding. We’re going to plant this whole county in cannabis. Trump will be begging US for funding!”

The sanctuary status for cannabis will begin on Saturday, March 25th. A pot smoking parade through the downtown streets is planned for 11 a.m. culminating in a potluck party at Hardrock Trail Park at noon. Admission is free.

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