Hunter Biden Found Dead In Fort Marcy Park, VA

CRACKHEAD DOWN!! CRACKHEAD DOWN!!

McLean, VA- Reuters Washington bureau chief, Marilyn Thompson, is reporting that at 6:30 am, eastern standard time, the lifeless body of Hunter Biden, the embattled and loose canon son of democratic presidential hopeful, Joe Biden, was discovered by joggers in Fort Marcy Park in Virginia.

“We received a call at 6:32 am from persons who were jogging in the park reporting what appeared to be a deceased white male,” said National Forrest Ranger, Tim Stibbons. “We arrived on scene at 6:36 am and confirmed that there was, in fact, one deceased adult white male who had sustained two gunshots to the left temple. The deceased male was subsequently identified as Hunter Biden. We secured the scene and called local authorities as well as the FBI and Secret Service.”

“On the surface it appears as though Mr. Biden is the victim of suicide,” began FBI special investigator, Max Waters. “Mr. Biden suffered two gunshots to the left side of his head. We have ruled out robbery at this time because his wallet, watch and a large bag of crack cocaine were still in his possession. Local coroner, Dr. Jill Goodacre, hasn’t ruled out COVID as the cause of death. Afterall, two gunshots to the head is a pretty serious underlying condition that can cause COVID to kill a person.”

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