NY Senator Schumer’s Mistress Goes On Record

SCHUMER CRIES AFTER FINDING OUT HIS MISTRESS OUTED HIM.

New York, NY- In a bombshell revelation today, the mistress of New York senator, Chuck Schumer, went on record about the clandestine relationship she has had with the senator for the last 7 years.

Originally from Rhodesia, she is known only as Miss Stella. She was smuggled into the US and sold on the black market in New York City. When she refused to alter her behavior to fit the narrative of her owners, she was beaten nearly to death and left on the side of a desolate highway to die.

Senator Schumer, on his way home from a murky backroom communist party meeting, saw Miss Stella, who had crawled into the middle of the road. He stopped to render aide and, as Miss Stella told us, fell in love with her when he looked into her big brown eyes.

When we asked Miss Stella what it is like to be the mistress of a high power US Senator, she simply said, “ruff, ruff.” We finally got around to the subject of Iris, the senator’s wife. All Miss Stella had to say was, “grrrrrrrr!”

MISS STELLA DOESN’T LIKE IRIS.

We asked Miss Stella how Senator Schumer liked his sex, she giggled and said, “ruff, ruff.” When asked if the senator’s “hands” were all that they should be and more, Miss Stella rolled onto her back and wiggled on the carpet with a thunderous cackle. We took that as a no.

Miss Stella was so much fun, we all left the interview howling.

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