Las Vegas, NV- After scathing reviews of the less than poor performances of Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods in “The Match”, both golfers have vowed to reimburse every fan that ordered the abysmal attempt to take golf to pay per view.
“We didn’t prepare,” admitted Mickelson. “We thought we could just show up and thrill the audience. We were sadly mistaken.”
“I’ll admit,” Tiger began, “I didn’t take this seriously at all. I flew in to Vegas the morning of the match and wasn’t in mental or physical shape to compete, but at least I wasn’t huffing and puffing like Phil. That course is so simple, in comparison to PGA tournament courses, we should have sliced that place up like ninjas. Instead, the fans paid to watch two 6 handicap dufuses hack their way around the links.”
“This has been beyond embarrassing,” said PGA president, Suzy Whaley. “The players, two hall of famers, were too lazy and unprepared to compete. The announcers and telecast were so bad, save the interesting camera work, it was sickening. It was like they had no idea what they were doing. This is not the NFL. We were trying to infuse some excitement and big dollars into the PGA with this event. Instead, we alienated our entire fan base. I’m just sick!”
“In an effort to make up for our cavalier attitude toward the fans and this event, Tiger and I have decided to reimburse every fan that put more effort into buying this event than we put into playing it,” Mickelson said. We want to show the fans that we care, and that we got their message loud and clear. I’ll be giving the $9 million back, and Tiger and I will personally pay whatever the cost to reimburse the fans.”
“We exist because of the fans,” Tiger stated. “We let them down and we’ll have to pay the price for that. We don’t want to disenfranchise our fans like the NFL has.”
The PGA is asking everyone who ordered the “Debacle in the Desert” to contact their provider to begin the refund process.