Washington, DC- At this morning’s press briefing, new White House communications director, Michael J. Scaramucci announced that the President has called for a yuge investment into the future.
“The President and I are working hard to move this [expletive deleted] country into the future,” Scaramucci began. “While those [expletive deleted] democrats want to give you a yuge welfare state of dependent citizens, we want to give you hover boards and flying DeLoreans. Now, I’m not suggesting that we can give you time travel, not that we aren’t working on that, but just think how cool it will be to fly anywhere you like at any time.”
He went on to explain how much money would be saved by not having to spend taxpayer money on crumbling roads, bridges, railways and airports. “We will have enough money to build a yuge wall around the entire [expletive deleted] country,” Mooch added. “We will be able to afford real healthcare for everyone. We can fly around the world and [expletive deleted] on people we don’t like. My gawd, it’ll be [expletive deleted] beautiful.”
When pressed on the timeline for producing these magic flying machines, Mooch replied, “We believe we can have the entire program available to the American public by 2022.” Then the Mooch backtracked by saying, “This program will not be available to those on the Left, especially those [expletive deleted] transgenders. If you don’t know what sex you are, how in the [expletive deleted] are you going to fly a car?”