Washington, DC – According to a leaked e-mail between Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, democratic front-runner, Joe Biden, has been scheduled to suffer a massive and debilitating stroke on September 28th, 2020, just prior to any presidential debates.
Biden has never done well in debates and his dementia has made things even worse. He still believes he can beat Joe Biden. The hapless democrats don’t have a single candidate that is electable, save Tulsi Gabbard, but Gabbard won’t buy into their world domination schemes. Andrew Cuomo, the current governor of New York, was looking like he might step in after Biden was stroked out, but a recent CNN poll showed 82% of Americans thought he looked too much like a vampire to be electable. Amy Klobuchar really wants to be the nominee, but that white privilege keeps holding her back. Plus, she really is a bitch.
Also included in the e-mail was a plan to update the Democratic ticket to Kamala Harris and Stacey Abrams if they could, somehow, get Abrams to lose 300 pounds by the first of October. William H. Taft struggled to get around the White House at 340 pounds, Abrams makes Taft look like Twiggy. Our money is still on a Booker/Harris ticket for 2020… unless Abrams eats one of them.