DC Shooter Related To Past Presidential Assassin


Washington, DC- The FBI has confirmed a link between DC shooter, Hodgkinson, and presidential assassin, John Wilkes Booth.

“It is common knowledge that was revealed in the memoirs from his sister that John Wilkes Booth fathered a bastard child with the same sister, Asia Booth Clarke,” began FBI special agent, Mona Silver. “While preforming an exhaustive search of Mr. Hodgkinson’s properties, FBI agents uncovered a wealth of genealogy work that proves, beyond any doubt, that Hodgkinson is a descendant of John Wilkes Booth’s bastard child with his sister.”

The FBI reported many parallels between the writings of Booth and Hodgkinson.

“The commonality in the writings and rantings of Booth and Hodgkinson are significant and alarming,” continued special agent Silver. “Both men were strong and vocal supporters of slavery, both men blamed the president, Lincoln and Trump, for all of the ills of the country, and both men had plans to kidnap the president to use as leverage for political overthrow.”

FBI special agent Silver went on to share a quote from John Wilkes Booth that was also found throughout the rantings of Hodgkinson. “That man’s appearance, his pedigree, his coarse low jokes and anecdotes, his vulgar smiles, and his policy are a disgrace to the seat he holds.”

“From what we can surmise at this point in the investigation,” related Silver, “Mr. Hodgkinson was nothing more than a short, fat and very unsuccessful bastard that shoots like a booger eating two year old. In other words, a liberal.”

The FBI investigation is ongoing.

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