Washington, DC- In a meeting this morning with House and Senate leaders, President Trump admitted that his style of governance was a Ponzi scheme.
“I really wanted to do a big Fonzie scheme,” laughed Trump. “I wanted to wear a leather jacket all the time and say “Eyyyyy” so everyone would think I was really, really cool. But Pence told me that nobody would think that was cool. So Ponzi rhymes with Fonzie, so I went with that.”
Later Trump went on to say, “Hey, there is going to be lots and lots of money flying around because of my plans. If you are an American, you just have to grab some and you’ll be rich. Like in one of those boxes you can stand in and grab the flying money. I think I will have the IRS tax everybody really very hard and then build flying money boxes that we will pull around the country so everyone can have a chance at being rich like me.”
Nancy Pelosi asked Trump if the flying money boxes could be produced in California. “We’re out of jobs and the state could really use some good news right about now,” Pelosi began as she rubbed up against Trump with a wry smile. “We’ve had a lot of bad news, Mr. President. Floods, gang wars, bad leadership for 4 decades. California is facing bankruptcy. Maybe Fonzie can come Ponzi California?”
“Hey wait a minute,” cried Chuck Schumer, “If anybody is getting in on the Ponzi money, it’s New York! We invented that grift.”
Trump shouted out, “Liar! Everyone knows Fonzie is from Milwaukee. Stop trying to twist the truth. You liberals are always lying.”
“Calling me a liar hurts my tender feelings,” sniveled Schumer with tears welling up in his eyes.
“So what are we deciding,” cackled Pelosi, “I’m missing my weekly Botox and face stretching appointment for this.”
“Maybe we should all go down to Arnold’s, have a malted and see if we find a way we can all get really, really rich on my Fonzie scheme,” offered Trump. The three idiots left the building and no one has seen them since. Good riddance.