Washington, DC- In what will certainly be the biggest story of the new year, if not the century, Reuters US political reporter, Makini Brice unleashed a bombshell this morning that is exploding the minds of every politician and pundit around the country.
“When Reuters first caught wind of the tell all book “Fire and Fury”, I was thrilled to be assigned to interview the author, Michael Wolff,” exclaimed Brice. “I spent 12 hours over two days interviewing Mr. Wolff, his publisher and Mr. Bannon. Given the incendiary tone of the book, I expected our meetings to be serious, sober and maybe even a bit tense. I could not have been more incorrect. Everyone was very open and forthcoming during our time together. It just seemed too easy.”
Brice went on to account that Wolff and Bannon seemed jovial about the book and all of the contentious rhetoric that had been spawned from the inflammatory quotes contained within. Brice said that Bannon and Wolff often exchanged winks and were flashing what Brice believed to be some sort of “weird gang signs” and laughing.
“I would press them on the veracity of some of these quotes,” Brice continued. “Who in the political world would say such things, especially to a writer? Wouldn’t that be career ending political suicide?”
After a dozen hours of what Brice called “a frat party” rather than a serious political interview, Wolff winked and told Brice that this book was published with a political depth that would rock American politics to it’s very core. “Ok, hit me with the juicy details,” Brice demanded.
“Off the record, this book is virtually a complete fabrication and satirical compilation,” squealed Bannon. “President Trump, genius that he is, knowing that the rabid left is just aching to impeach him and throw him to the wolves, decided to give the left what they want… and why shouldn’t we capitalize on it ourselves. President Trump and I have been planning this for several months and we brought Michael in, knowing his reputation for being salacious, to write the book. Other than a few pretty lucrative expense accounts, all profits from this book will go to the Trump for President 2020 and RNC general fund. Do you see the beauty in this? The Democrats, while rushing to buy the dirt that they think will break the President, in reality will be financing the Republican races in 2018 and 2020.”
Bannon went on to tell Brice that there would be a fraudulent feud between the White House and those in the book deal. “Free advertising from the bully pulpit! Free advertising from Twitter! This must be what it feels like to be a super-villain!” exclaimed Bannon.
It sounds as though the swamp is way over matched by this administration.