TRUMP LENDS A HAND TO DEMOCRATS AND ILLEGALS

Trump Strikes Deal With Monsanto To Curb Illegal Alien Reproduction

St. Louis, MO- In what the left is calling an illegal backroom deal and a constitutional crisis, President Trump, on his inauguration day in 2017,  secretly inked a deal with multinational agrochemical giant, Monsanto, to reduce the reproductive birthrate of illegal aliens within the United States borders. “Today is a great day for Monsanto and … Read more

Amtrak Train Engineer Was Syrian Refugee

Tacoma, WA- Local authorities are now reporting that the Amtrak 501 train that crashed this morning was piloted by a former Syrian refugee who entered the country through the visa lottery program 6 years ago. According to Pierce County sherrif’s office public information officer, Paul Slider, the train’s engineer, Mahmood al’Basheer, had been piloting trains … Read more

Bill Cosby drag queen, cross dresser

CNN: Bill Cosby Attempts To Flee U.S. Disguised As A Woman

San Diego, CA- CNN is reporting that United States Customs and the Department of Homeland Security announced today that they have apprehended and detained actor/comedian, Bill Cosby at the US/Mexico border crossing in San Diego. Mr. Cosby, a comic staple in the 70’s and television mogul in the 80’s, had been placed on house arrest … Read more

scaramucci foul mouth, swearing

Scaramucci Wants To Get Back To The Future

Washington, DC- At this morning’s press briefing, new White House communications director, Michael J. Scaramucci announced that the President has called for a yuge investment into the future. “The President and I are working hard to move this [expletive deleted] country into the future,” Scaramucci began. “While those [expletive deleted] democrats want to give you … Read more

MILLENNIAL CULT HERO JOHNNY CANNASEED

Johnny Cannaseed Arrested In Salt Lake City

Salt Lake City, UT- A melee broke out on the University of Utah campus this morning as university police and a large contingent of students clashed during an attempted arrest of John Chapman 8th, better known in the millennial culture as Johnny Cannaseed. “He was just minding his own business and talking with everyone,” said … Read more

Gary McCord sucks balls.

CBS Golf Announcer Gary McCord Dies In 16th Tower During Traveler’s Championship

Cromwell, CT- In a sad turn of events, CBS golf announcer, Gary McCord passed away in the 16th hole announcer’s tower during the Traveler’s Championship on Saturday afternoon. “It was very sad,” said fellow CBS golf announcer, Ian Baker-Finch. “Sad because none of us were there with him when he died. It breaks my heart … Read more

OBAMA CONTEMPLATES SUICIDE

Obama Contemplates Suicide As Democratic Party Fails

Fajardo, PR- Former president, Barack Obama on vacation in Puerto Rico was captured by photographers contemplating suicide on the edge of a cliff. The former president, whose legacy (weak as it was) is being calculatingly dismantled by his replacement , Donald Trump , is reported to be despondent in a Fajardo institution. “I have been … Read more

BOOGER EATING LIBERAL

DC Shooter Related To Past Presidential Assassin

Washington, DC- The FBI has confirmed a link between DC shooter, Hodgkinson, and presidential assassin, John Wilkes Booth. “It is common knowledge that was revealed in the memoirs from his sister that John Wilkes Booth fathered a bastard child with the same sister, Asia Booth Clarke,” began FBI special agent, Mona Silver. “While preforming an … Read more

Chuck Schumer pedophile

Chuck Schumer Marries 6 Year Old Girl To Support Islam And Fight Travel Ban

Washington, DC-  Chuck Schumer, in an effort to show support for Barrack Obama’s legacy, Muslims and the One Global World,  married a 6 year old Muslim girl. “Someone has to make a stand against the white privilege of WASP America. Someone has to fight this travel ban,” cried Senator Schumer. “It is an outrage how … Read more

Amy Schumer heroin overdose

CNN: Comedian Amy Schumer Dead From Heroine Overdose

Los Angeles, CA- At this hour, CNN is confirming reports that comedian, Amy Schumer was found deceased this morning at her Hollywood Hills apartment. Although the coroner’s office has not yet had time to release any reports, witnesses told CNN that it looked very much like a heroine overdose. “She was all blue and purple … Read more

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